Sandbox

Chris brought home a couple of boards and a truckload of sand yesterday.





After burying Jacob's legs in sand as we spread it around, he commenced to playing. Sadly, we only have one bucket, one shovel and a confiscated sand mold of a rocket ship.



Luckily, it's that time of year when things like sand toys are on sale, so I look forward to getting as much as possible for as little as possible. The sandbox is in the perfect place for playing during the winter, as well. It's next to the house, so it's sheltered from the wind and it will get the most sun during the day.



It's also huge!







Jacob and Chris resting and enjoying the new grass. It's growing quite well. We've mowed it three times and we only have a few dead spots to obsess over. One is right in front of the sprinkler head and I cannot figure out WHY it is dead. Thoughts?

Thankful!

Every year, CS's family asks everyone to say five things they are thankful for after we have dinner. Last year, things between me and his family were frustrating at best and I was not very thankful for much of anything besides my mom and Jacob.

This year has been insane, really. It's been full of good and bad, but I'm happy that the good is outweighing the bad. I am so blessed. So below are my five things that I am thankful for this year.

1- My wonderful job. I went looking for a job at the last possible minute. I hardly even looked, honestly. My mom mentioned it to one person and she told me to call so I did and I never thought I could be so blessed to work. I am passionate about this company, the things we do and the people I work with. I love that I get to work from home, even when I get a little stir crazy. I was sure I would not work when I had Jacob but now I am so glad that I can do both.

2- Jacob. He is growing up to be an awesome kid. We have our share of tantrums and spankings but all the other things do does outweigh those naughty times. I love that he's learning to talk. He loves to read books and watch Scooby Doo. A year ago, he couldn't sleep in his crib for more than an hour and now he goes to bed alone and wakes up in the morning, calling for me. I miss the baby but I love what he's becoming.

3- Chris. He makes me laugh and he always stops what he's doing to read Jacob a story. He's made a great effort to change his internal clock from staying up all night to going to bed with me and it's a great change in our relationship. I love that CS and Jacob go get breakfast in the morning or take a trip to Canon in the afternoon while I work to have lunch together. We are finally functioning like a family and it's awesome.

4- My mom. We go over every Tuesday night for dinner and Glee. Hunter comes and Jacob gets to love on Memma. She always cooks for me and we sit around and watch Glee until they start singing and then we dance with Jacob. She has been a great investor of my Etsy shop and I really appreciate that.

5- My church. I try not to proclaim faith and God too much because I know it can turn people off. I do believe that my life is so blessed because of God and I am happy to find a church that I can go every Sunday and learn something new. I've been a believer my whole life but I've never really grown in it and I'm trying to change that. To me, I am blessed by God and I am thankful that I have the ability to proclaim that without fearing for my life. I'm also grateful that I have enough to provide for my child as well as give to those in need. No one in this world should go hungry and I am so sad to hear of children that are starving. If you are interesting, I fully endorse Convoy of Hope

Happy Birthday To ME!

Today is (was) my 27th birthday. Ever since I turned 25 and had Jacob, I have kind of forgotten my age. I frequently forget how old I am. It's certainly not on purpose. I look young enough that I'll never lie about my age. I will still look 30 when I'm 45! Score!

I have never been one for lists of goals I should accomplish by a certain age, especially since I have a knack for saying "I won't ever..." and a year later, I'm letting Jacob watch DVDs in the car on a thirty minute drive from home.

So here are somethings I would like to do this year!

Make another quilt. Specifically, this one.

Potty train Jacob.

Make enough grocery bags that I can stop using the plastic ones at the store.

Sew a skirt for me!

Get married.

Get pregnant again.

Go to Las Vegas in December with some friends.

Make homemade marshmellows.

Pay off one of my credit cards.

Have date night once a month with CS.

Create a photo wall of pictures I have taken. Make sure all of them are framed.

Have family photos taken.

Finally read the book I won about learning how to use my fancy camera.

Create enough that my Etsy store has more than two pages of items for sale.

Try to sell more Market bags at the local You Pick Farm (Happy Apple, Penrose CO).

Own a serger.

Run a 5K.

Cook outside the box. I've been very boring and predictable lately.

Try and see movies in the theatre more. Maybe combine this with date night?

Start writing stories again. I'm very caught up in creating with fabric but I would like to write down some of the stories in my head before I lose them.

Teach Jacob his ABC's.

Go to the hot springs in the middle of winter. It's so luxurious to sit in a river in your swimsuit when snow is falling down around you.

Talk to all my grandparents on the phone more.

Write letters to my college BFF every week.

Insist on a One Hour Limit of TV Time for Jacob. It's very hard to do this when I am working! I know! So bad!

Go see a play. A good one, in Denver.

Create awesome, matching costumes for me, CS, and Jacob.

That's all I have for now. I wouldn't call it a Mighty Life List, but it's a start. My real life list is much shorter and full of trips to places across the ocean.

A Few Things

Things that make me happy:

New rugs to replace old, stained stinky ones.

Thunderstorms, but not when they knock out the power.

Only having to take care of one dog. Puppies are obnoxious. I'll take Hunter over a new puppy any day.

Committing to working out again. Starting the Couch to 5K program tomorrow AND I have a workout partner!

Selling my market bags to people. It's nice to make things that people want to buy!

Free jewelry! My friend asked me to watch her 2 year old all day on Saturday. We all survived and no one was reduced to tears so she gave me a gift certificate to her jewelry.

My birthday is in ONE week, and my mom already surprised me with a beautiful handmade rug from the Farmer's Market that I have been coveting.

Little Things

Jacob's tear stained face crumpling with relief when I come get him after church. He wasn't crying, but he had been and he is so relieved when I finally appear and take him away.

When cats come up to us and let Jacob pet them. He loves kitties, but kitties are not so keen on him.

My new black boots. Who says you can't enjoy something from Walmart.

Wearing jewelry again.

New episodes of Sesame Street. Specifically the one with Big Bird and moving to a new habitat. Something about pelicans trigger Jacob to belly laugh.

Macaroni and cheese. Except NOT the bunny shapes with white cheddar.

Thanks, You.

Thanksgiving is almost over. I am home with an exhausted baby in bed and eating my daily allotment of chocolate before I'm off to climb in with Bugaboo. Today was good, for the most part. Jacob and I spent the morning together, I got to workout and he mostly whined about being tired because he got up too early, again. We went to CS's house and the waiting for dinner began. Luckily, there was lunch since we did not eat until almost 5. Eating late puts a huge damper on going back for leftovers, but I suppose that's a good thing. CS's family has a tradition where they write down five things they are thankful for and read them outloud at dinner. This is a perfectly good idea in theory. But for people like me, it creates something of a panic. I'm not very good at spilling my emotions. I don't make loud professions of things that I love or what I feel grateful for in my life. I am not saying that these things aren't evident to those who know me, but I don't feel comfortable being so brutally honest about the way I feel about things and people. So I get self conscious and write meaningless things on piece of paper and flush when I read it because this makes me uncomfortable.

But here, I can be more honest. There isn't a room full of people that I hardly speak to unless it's a holiday watching me profess the things I am thankful for. You are either strangers or close enough to me that I actually gave this address to you and you follow along with all my other triumphs and mistakes. You see it all.

So here is my list, if I can be perfectly honest and shameless.

I'm thankful for Jacob, he is my whole life now. And the thought of leaving him, even to work, paralyzes me with sadness. I want to spend every day I can with him, be there for every new thing and teach him even more. He is what I've waited for since I was a child myself. I was born to be his mama.

CS. Even when things are bad, he's my partner. We are at a low, low point in our lives and our relationship but I'm trying, we're trying. I am thankful that he has faith in his company and he wants to succeed. I'm thankful he's going back to school to get an education. I know how much he loves his son and that he still loves me. I'm thankful that he still opens my car door for me when we go someplace together, without the baby.

My mom. She has been so generous to me since we moved back. Without her, Jacob wouldn't have diapers and I would be running for my life from Sallie Mae's henchmen. She makes sure I have gas in my car so I am never trapped at CS's house when I don't want to be. She buys me new clothes when I need them and shoes when mine fall apart. My favorite foods are still at her house and she never gets mad when we have to rush out and leave her living room a mess. We hardly go a day without talking, even though we may only see each other a few times a week. I hope that my children have the same relationship with me as I do with her when they are older.

Hunter. I haven't been without a dog since college. I never realized how much I depended on him to make me feel safe. Especially when I don't have CS at night, I hate waking up in a dark room and feeling that annoying fear of not knowing what's out there. Hunter has only once growled in protection of me but I do not doubt that he would be a great defender if I needed him.

And I'm thankful for all the benign things that people always say, a house over my head, food to eat, a place to worship, a car to drive, and quite few luxuries even in my poor financial state. I'm most gratefully that I stay home with Jacob, even though it seems I may not be able to enjoy that much longer. I cherish it.

But I can't say these things to people I do not know very well. I can not look out into a crowded room and bare these parts of me. I am grateful. This is how I show it.

Small Things

Open mouth kisses from Jacob. Usually with tongue.

Yoga pants and a thermal long sleeve shirt from the Gap for free. I used my Banana card for small purchases when I didn't have CS's card on hand and they gave me $30 in rewards cards.

Toasted coconut shortbread dough chilling in the fridge.

Seeing christmas presents early because my mom can't wait to show me when she comes back from a trip.

A pile of mostly finished crafts in front of me. I had a lovely weekend of trying to learn how to sew better.

Someone else playing with the baby! My mom is back and CS is on his way back from Denver. This means that I have to go back to his house tonight, but the single parent lifestyle is over.

Crafty. Like A Fox.

I don't know if it was the change of seasons or if I am so starved for creativity that it had to come out somehow, but I have been on a rampage of crafting. I can't stop! I keep buying fabric or knitting needles and picking up books on knitting. I'm searching Etsy daily, looking for ideas of things to make or fabric I covet. (Why is fabric so expensive? It's the only thing holding me back.) I've already started a stash of Christmas gifts. I finally made myself finish a scarf for my uncle that I started FOUR YEARS AGO. I started it twice, to be fair. But seriously, four years. And it was delicious yarn, so why was it so hard? I made Jacob a tiny bedwarmer, filled it with dried peas instead of rice. I got buckwheat over the weekend and I'm excited to see how that pans out for the next batch of bedwarmers. I made Jayden a crayon roll. Actually, I made two, but I gave up on the first and started a second one when I didn't think through my "quilting" part of it. I learned that I am terrible at quilting. Good thing she's only five. I felted a knitted bowl and I have a plan to needle felt it, except I discovered that my needles are bent. I have no idea how they are bent and I broke one trying to bend it back into place. It still works, just looks wrong. I probably need new ones, but that can come later. The worst part of this "crafty sickness" is that I used part of my Verizon rebate/birthday gift card to buy more crafty items. Fabric that I will probably sew up and give away! I fail. But in my defense, I did buy a set of Halloween PJ's from Target with part of it. That was probably a mistake though, as I now want three more sets. Target is a bad place for me. Bad, but oh so good.

Little Things

My new LL Bean water canister. And vest. And slippers.

Belated baby shower cards with checks in the mail.

A naked wriggly baby who can scoot himself on the floor.

Baby lotion on my hands.

A stack of thank you notes ready to be mailed out.

Little Things

A package from my grandma for my son.

Jacob learning how to jump.

New library books.

Hunter sleeping on a princess bed.

A glass of wine before crawling into a bed warmed by my rice warmer.