When we got there, Christine was leaving to look at the flowers. I had an appointment to get a mani/pedi. Bill and his Dad were waiting for his brother to arrive before picking up the tuxes. I was looking forward to having some time alone and getting my nails done. I don't think I have actually gotten a manicure since before the kids were born...it's just not worth it...gets ruined anyway. Christine gave me the name/number of the place she uses, so I made an appointment. She mentioned that it was a husband and wife and it's not usually that busy, but they don't seem to care...boy, was she right!
I got there and the husband is on the phone right outside the doors yelling at someone! I didn't really know what to do until he opened the door for me (I really think it was for his little yip yip dog, but I'll pretend like it was for me). The whole time, he's yelling, "I'm too busy! I'm very very busy!" I figured that they'd at least have three other people in the place, but there was only one lady getting a pedicure from the wife. The place was huge...many nail stations, 3 pedicure seats (okay...that's not that many), and about 8 rooms for tanning beds. He directs me to take a seat.
He starts my manicure and I realize that this will be very interesting. The first thing I notice is the state that his nails are in! I know that my nail tech's nails are never really in good shape...they'll just get ruined anyway, but come on...this guy's nails were yellow (I later found out he's a heavy smoker), brittle, broken, and cracked. The only one that was in good shape was his pinky nails (like a coke nail, you know?) and those had dirt under them like you wouldn't believe. Everything was going along swimmingly (I was spending a lot of time watching the CNN that was blasting from the television) when the phone rang. He picked it up and started yelling at someone else. It's just at this moment that I notice his yip yip dog chasing something. I think that it's a toy until I realize that it has eight legs and a huge body! He's chasing a gigantic spider...I'm not kidding when I say gigantic! So, he's batting it around and yapping at it...which is really just pissing it off. He's starting to beat it down to eat it when I say, "no, no...don't eat it." I think that was my twin mom side coming out! The guys realizes what the dog is doing and starts to kick the half-dead spider out the front door...still yelling on the phone...at least he's a humanitarian by letting the bug live, right?
He sits back down and starts to massage my hands with lotion. I normally love this part, but his hands were so rough that it was pretty uncomfortable. We talked a little bit...he was actually quite nice once you get past the hygiene issues. He did a good job on my nails and directed me to the pedicure chair.
He started the water for me b/c his wife was still finishing up the other lady. I hadn't rolled up my jeans yet, so he had to help me b/c my nails were wet...that was uncomfortable, but it went okay. At that point, I had no choice! He told me to put my feet in the water and I tried, but it was the hottest fucking water I had ever felt. I usually like a hot foot bath before a pedicure, but this was boiling! He turned it down and told me to try again and I still couldn't do it! We went through that a few more times until the temperature of the water went down enough so that the skin didn't melt off of my feet! The wife did a good job, but didn't hesitate to lend her opinion that my color was too dark for a wedding (was she calling me a whore?). Thanks for your input, but what's done is done, right? I then saw the yip yip dog playing with a pretty big worm/caterpillar in the hallway. The husband scooped it up with a piece of paper and put it in the sink...didn't wash it down or anything...just put it in the sink. He really loves saving bugs from that dog. I could never go tanning there after seeing two bugs in one visit!!!
So, I'm done and sitting under the dryers for a little while when I notice the rules. They were pretty typical...no eating in the tanning beds, no drinking in the tanning beds, and the ever popular NO URINATING IN THE TANNING ROOMS!!! What??? Are you serious??? Am I reading this right? I seriously would have taken a picture, but didn't want to be insulting. Then I realize that I'm the one worried about being insulting while someone probably actually peed in a tanning room to prompt them to post that sign! I couldn't believe it. I had to get out of there...I paid and walked out into damp, misty, drizzle...lovely. Needless to say, I now realize why people are particular about where they get their nails done. I'm sure that there are things about my salon that other people may feel are gross...nothing like the rules, but some things, right? Onto the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner! To be posted soon!!!
Christine, please realize that I appreciate getting my nails done at all...I just thought the whole exchange was too funny!
