Bloodlines, a Review

Racism is not dead. Despite what you may think about the issue--from those that see our modern day America as a glorious fondue of ethnic delights to those that see through the smokescreen a bit too readily--racism is certainly not dead. For many of us, though, it is. We live in our content bubbles, satisfied with the status of ethnic diversity in America. Look at how far we've come, we say. Slavery abolished. Equal rights for all. Amen, and I'm thankful to God that we've come at least that far. But the question I raise, and one that John Piper points to in his latest book Bloodlines, is look how far we've still got to go.

Bloodlines is an engaging and provocative book. Piper, respected globally as a passionate man of God, sets out to show how racial harmony and embracing ethnic diversity are Biblically sound doctrines and ultimately glorifying to God. He takes on several of the modern controversies surrounding race and addresses everything with the Bible. Indeed, he steps up and writes with blunt passion, even when it's difficult to do so. But as he says,

This deeply felt sense of race as a continuing, painful, and pervasive issue in America means that talking about race continues to be difficult. The feelings run very deep and very high. If your skin is thin...hold your tongue. But holding our tongues does not usually advance understanding, deepen respect, warm the affections, or motivate action.

Yes, if we want change, if we want a greater respect of our fellow man, then we cannot hold our tongues, and thankfully Piper doesn't.

I think Bloodlines is an easy read, in that Piper is honest in his desire. He writes of growing up in South Carolina and of the racial sins he had to overcome, and only so by the blood of Jesus. And when he went into ministry he intentionally chose a region (Twin Cities area in Minnesota) that is one of the most ethnically diverse in the nation. He has lived there for over thirty years, passionate about diversity and harmony and exalting God. These things give credence to the points Piper raises, and hopefully many see his words as truth.

The book begins with Piper telling why he's wrote Bloodlines, and then he follows with several statistics and the current shape of racism in America. One of the most staggering statistics:

• Homicide is the number one cause of death for black men between fifteen and twenty-nine years of age and has been for decades.

After the statistical dump, Piper then dives into many of the current theories and resources surrounding racism. I was ignorant of many of these names and sources, but Piper definitely was not. I found this bit fascinating, reading what many leading minds think about the "Whys" and "Hows" of racism.

The remainder of the book focuses on why a united people celebrating diversity and living peaceably is glorifying to God. Most of us are ignorant of our racism, and I suspect many of us would be appalled at ourselves if our secret thoughts were revealed. The blame is ours, but it's also the many generations before us. America has a dark history, one that misused Scripture to propel a false agenda that led to many sins, and we've still not recovered from this.

It's important to note that throughout everything, Piper never strays from the gospel of Jesus Christ. With a multitude of verses to back up his thesis, it's eye opening to see how uninvolved so many of us are. Racial harmony is not the most important issue for a person, but it is an issue that should be pursued by some. Piper feels this way, as do many members and staff at Bethlehem Baptist Church. Just read this article (How and Why Bethlehem Pursues Ethnic Diversity) to understand that.

Bloodlines is a thought-stirring book that brings up many strong arguments for why the fight against racism should be faced.  While most of us don't feel like race is an issue to concern ourselves with, consider the following.

Since majority people don't think of themselves in terms of race, none of our dysfunctions is viewed as a racial dysfunction. When you are the majority ethnicity, nothing you do is ethnic. It's just the way it's done. When you are a minority, everything you do has color.

The words are true, and the implications staggering.  We are all creatures of race.  Whether majority or minority, we all share a common earthly bloodline, and that makes us all brothers and sisters.  Praise God that we can all share a common heavenly bloodline, too, that of Jesus Christ, and it's only through His blood can we hope to have unity.

Deep Sorrow and a Hollow Heart

Maybe it's from having just finished Ecclesiastes this morning that I find myself so burdened.  The heaviness in my heart is real, and how to proceed is abstract.  It's easy to look around and see the Church--that is the Bride of Christ, not the local building--failing in so many ways.  In a sample of a hundred churches, one hundred of them will be filled with problems.  Strife among brothers and sisters.  Gossiping.  Hatred.  Pride.  Lust.  These are to be expected, as we're all still human and not yet made perfect, but the fact that there doesn't seem to be any desire to change is sickening.

Last night I was involved in a regional church meeting.  Between the two counties involved, there were 56 churches represented, with 266 voters present.  The issue was to decide whether or not to kick a church (Journey Fellowship) out of the association.  Why?  Because their building is used by the local PFLAG group.  That's it.  There is no relationship between the church and PFLAG other than the fact that the church allows their facility to be open and available.  In effect, this church is saying Welcome, we love you, and we don't judge.  In fact, the church goes on to profess "radical unconditional acceptance," something that many churches look down on.

Considering that the meeting even took place, I felt like the situation was already lose-lose.  Instead of brothers and sisters of Jesus standing up and loving on one another, there was a meeting to disfellowship a church because they were loving on people.  So in a crowd of 350+ people, displayed to media from here to far, I watched the Church fight*.  It was civil, yes, but it felt to me an underlying wave of hatred and judgment.  Speakers voiced their affirmation of the motion (to remove the church) and then speakers voiced their opposition (to keep the church in).  Back and forth this went, passionate words flying from both sides, maintaining rules of order, borderline chaos, people "Amen-ing" and shaking their heads.

The call to vote came.  Oddly, in order to vote we had to vote whether or not we could even commence with voting.  Once that passed, someone called for secret ballot.  This vote failed, and we then proceeded to stand up and cast our votes publicly.  Of the 266 voters, 242 voted to disfellowship this church.  The only ones that voted to keep them in was the representatives from the accused church and four of us from my church (so the other four from my church either didn't vote or voted in favor). 

Then, awkwardly, the order of the meeting called for ballot tabulating time, because I suppose it was thought the vote would be secret ballot.  So during this time, we sat uncomfortably aware of the results while pretending that we didn't know.  A man led the congregation in a song, singing "People Need the Lord," and the words sounded hollow and fake.  People need the Lord unless you're gay.  People need the Lord but not all.  People need the Lord but find Him outside the church.  People need the Lord let's pretend like we love each other.  People need the Lord let's all judge our brothers.  People need the Lord....

The meeting adjourned soon after, people spreading like ants funneling through a crack in the wall.  We talked to the reps from the now disfellowshipped church, telling them we appreciated what they were doing, offering prayer and encouragement. 

This whole things is deeply disappointing on so many levels.  It shows how fragile our Church is.  It shows how far we've fallen.  The fact that a church cannot have a support group is ridiculous.  How is PFLAG any different than AA or any other accountability group**?  I'm of the opinion that people don't like it when sins are public.  We prefer keeping them to ourselves, sitting comfortably in our pews and silently looking down on everybody else.  We're a white, middle-classed church, born to outdated traditions and indoctrinated with prejudices.  We don't like it when our customs are rocked or when our cultures change.  Thus, we're a dying, stagnant Church.  We fail at reaching the lost because we can't get over their sins, all the while ignoring our own.  We don't reach out and help people because we're lazy, uncaring, and satisfied with our own salvation.  Last I checked, Jesus spent most of His time on earth with the less-than-reputable people, the whores and liars, the outcasts and abused.  Instead, we want air-conditioned buildings, thirty-minute sermons, and clean and fake members.  We don't want real.  We want facades.

This is the state of Christianity today.  It's to a point where a new word needs to be used for those of us that follow Jesus Christ and His teachings.  The Church is called to love everyone, to reach the unsaved, to make disciples, to spread God's Gospel to the ends of the earth.  How can we do that when our church's doors are closed?  When the doors of the church are closed, the hearts of its members are, too.  And if Christians are a close-hearted people, we've removed Jesus from our beliefs, and if that's the case, then I guess I'm not a Christian.

------

*I imagine the Bride as an abused, delusional, schizophrenic, bi-polar bigot that spreads Her legs for anyone other than Her Husband.  She's married to a Savior that died for everyone--chiefly Her--and yet She spends Her time with the World and Its thinking.  She has a Husband that embodies love, but She prefers a world that spits on Her and slaps Her around.

**Just because a church building is used by a group does not mean that the church adheres to the group's philosophy.  However, perception is everything, and people perceive that since Journey is allowing PFLAG to use its building that they believe all of PFLAG's tenets, regardless whether that's the case or not. 

Desiring God, a Review

John Piper's Desiring God is one of the most influential books in Christian non-fiction.  First released in 1986, Piper burst into the scene with his radical idea of Christian Hedonism, a term specifically chosen.  Now, twenty-five years later, Piper's fourth edition of Desiring God has found its way into my hands for review.  I already owned the 3rd edition, though I had not progressed past Chapter One of the book.  This time around, I made my way through Piper's elegant writing and beautiful theology.

Desiring God is a collection of ten essays, dealing with a different element in Christian lifestyle.  Piper devotes a chapter each to happiness, conversion, worship, love, scripture, prayer, money, marriage, missions, and suffering.  He also includes a thorough appendix and study guide in the back of the book to assist the reader.

As Piper says in the Introduction, the purpose of Desiring God is to help the reader understand how Christian Hedonism should not only be pursued, but that its pursuit is biblical and ultimately satisfying to God.  Piper turns the Westminster Shorter Catechism on its head by substituting the word by in place of and, yielding the thesis for Desiring God:

The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

Much of Desiring God deconstructs modern thinking with clear biblical examples.  Truly, Piper's desire to share his joy is not exhaustive, though it is rather thorough.  There were times when I was scratching my head after re-reading a paragraph three times and still confused.  Other times I was shaking my head and silently amen-ing.  And more, the evidence as proposed by Piper does in fact seem biblical and liberating. 

This book has not redefined my views as much as Kevin DeYoung's powerful Just Do Something did, but still, there is wisdom to be found in the pages.  I can imagine a world filled with Christian Hedonists, running around and acting like Christians ought.  I daresay that if more Christians acted like they ought--like the bible prescribes--and if more Christians had joy in their lives then we would have more people coming to God.  To that end, Desiring God teaches a vital message.

A time or two it felt like Piper's firm belief in TULIP* (and his being a 5-point Calvinist, as much as I hate to use labels) was shining through his writing.  It wasn't a pounding over the head as some are wont to do, and I do not fault Piper for letting his belief's influence his writing, though some surely do.  As such, I care not one jot for Calvinism and Arminianism and I find this endless debate tiring and detrimental to the gospel Jesus preached.  Thankfully this has very little to do with Piper's book.

In the end, Desiring God is an excellent book that has affected many, myself included.  It would be a great book for a Sunday School class to discuss, or a discipleship group to meditate on.  It's not an easy read, and it definitely requires a critical mind (and possibly a dictionary), but its teachings are worth the effort.  Anything that pursues glorifying God is worth the effort, and if you're looking for some savvy non-fiction Christian thought, this book is perfect for you.  Or, conversely, if you're curious about Christian Hedonism and its tenets, I can easily recommend John Piper's Desiring God.

-------------------

Piper explains at the end of the book how he receives no royalties from Desiring God and that any money made from it goes to a fund to further the gospel by providing various resources for free.  A number is listed to contact Desiring God Ministries for free resources, including this book, as well as many others.  Also, Desiring God can be read for free on the DGM website, or also downloaded as a pdf and/or ebook.  Finally, as with other great books, if anyone would like my copy of Desiring God, shoot me an email or leave me a comment and I'll get the book to you.

Like Piper, anything I can do to help spread the good news of Jesus (and further glorify the Father) I will do, and I would love to give you this book to that end.

--------------------

*If you are not aware of this centuries old debate, then I don't recommend you educate yourself about it.  It's ultimately disheartening and has caused way too much conflict within the world of Christianity.

FTC Thingy:  The 25th Anniversary Edition of Desiring God was provided to me for free by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.  I am not required to endorse the book, and my doing so was of my own volition.  There was no hypnosis.

Scraps: A philosophical rambling, a poem, and questions without answers

Often, when a product is finished, there are a lot of leftovers.  The director leaves unneeded scenes lying on the floor.  A painter has too much red on his palette.  A writer has revisions upon revisions upon revisions.  Most of the time, this is done for the greater good of the product.  A movie is shortened and made tighter, saving the viewer from pointless scenes.  Any more red and the painting could have a completely different meaning.  Omitted useless words and phrases save readers from tedious pacing and plotting.

In short, the scraps are made obsolete.  Some would say pointless, but I'd disagree.  Without the scraps, a finished product would likely have a completely different look.  For example, a scene may be removed from a book because it's not working well, but having that scene in at first was crucial to the writer to get to the next point.  It served as a stepping stone that guided imagination and direction.

Ultimately, our life is one product.  When we die, the production stops and we're finished.  No more editing.  No more revising.  It's just us, shipped out to Quality Inspection.  And this train of thought has me thinking about the scraps in our lives.  What kind of stuff is left on our drawing boards?  How many unfinished stories have I written, now sitting idly in a Google Docs warehouse.  How many plans were made and discarded?  And how in the world is this relevant?

What has put me in this mindset?  I found a poem I scribbled down a while ago, just eight lines.  An unfinished thing if there e'er was one.  The first stanza I was insanely proud of.  Clever, methought.  Double meanings and all that stuff.  The second...

in love she fell with a rogue

whose blood was far below hers,

dashed across the jagged rocks

his bowels burst asunder.

ocean's song, an elegy,

the waves a gentle death tune.

she died from an angry blade

wielded by her father.

And there it sat.  There's editing needed.  There's always editing needed.  In life.  In stories.  In paintings.  In blog posts.  We're so concerned about perfection and passing the Quality Control test that we cheat ourselves of so much.  It doesn't help that Society screams for independence and self-reliance.  We must be strong citizens.  We must be productive.

And yet, I posit that most of us aren't able to cut it at being independent.  Not truly.  Still, we desire independence and selfness.  The dichotomy is fascinating.  On one hand, our base instincts are for self-preservation and self-happiness.  We want our opinions to be valued, likely above all others.  We want to be noticed.  We want to be special.  On the other hand, we can't handle the stress of being the sole responsibility of our opinions, and we want others to share that burden.  How selfish is that?  How crazy?

I think of God saying in Genesis 2:18 that it's not good for man to be alone.  Obviously loneliness is a problem if the Creator thinks it is.  But why?  Why is it not good?  (And again, why are my thoughts turned this way?)  Is Man, when left alone, ultimately going to turn to evil? 

[insert clever paragraph that relates scraps and these musings above in a nice, succinct way.  this is a strong first sentence here that uses a nice, simple transition and lays the ground for the next sentence.  this is a complex sentence, with six subjects that all agree with their predicates.  this is a question where i try to understand the previous sentence.  this is a parenthetical, cause why not?  this is the most important sentence i've ever written in my life and what everything really boils down to.  this is an emoticon.]

In the end, this is too much for me to comprehend.  My life is infinitely more complex than I can fathom, with countless causes and effects, affecting both me and you, directly or indirectly.  I'm just thankful that I've been blessed with a loving wife and daughter, a wonderful family, and a great set of friends.  Most of all I'm thankful that Jesus loves me and understands all this stuff I don't.  I'm thankful for the brain He's given me, even though sometimes I wonder about myself. 

When I die and reach the end of production, I want my life to be one that glorifies God.  I want all the scraps to resonate with that glory, that I can look back and see how much He's changed me.  I look back now and see some already, and I look ahead with wonder at what He's gonna do next.

Just Do Something, a Review+

Every once in a while we have an epiphany.  It may come while we're brushing our teeth and staring at ourselves in the mirror.  It may come when we're pouring soy into the wok, whiffing the wonderful scents of the steam.  Or, as often is the case, it may come from a book.  The Bible is great at this.  It's amazing how we can read the same passages through the years, but still find so much truth with its words.  This post isn't about the Bible, though.  It's about Kevin DeYoung's book (which is based on the Bible) Just Do Something.

Just Do Something has literally changed the way I think about a lot of stuff.  Many Christians tend to "overspiritualize" things, some going so far as to avoid doing anything for fear of making a wrong choice.  (Note: this problem isn't just related to Christians, but to anyone suffering from indecision, at least I suspect so.)  We're inclined to believe that every choice we make in life ultimately affects some outcome at the end, and this simply is not true.

In Just Do Something, DeYoung presents a case for simply doing, not worrying about the results.  He argues that as long as a decision isn't sinful (what he calls "unethical" choices), then the choice is solely up to us and God doesn't care.  Does it really matter what job we take and what school we attend?  What car we buy?  Who we marry, even?  To God, these decisions are simply less important than "ethical" ones (i.e., God is supremely concerned with our choice on how we view His Son, Jesus).  While this may seem infuriating or insensitive, DeYoung uses plenty of scripture to back up his beliefs, and I'm inclined to agree (with most)*.

Early in the book DeYoung presents the problem many of us face.  We want to be in the will of God and make Him happy with every thing we do.  Agreed.  And how often do we pray or hear others pray "if it's according to Your will...?"  DeYoung states that there are three distinct categories for the will of God, and understanding these three is the first step to a new way of thinking.

1.  The decreed will of God.  God has already decreed everything from before time began, down to the hairs on our heads falling out and the sparrow's food for today.  This is all sovereign and unchangeable. 
2.  The desired will of God.  This is what God wants to happen and what He desires.  It begs the question why isn't the desired will the decreed will.**
3.  The directive will of God.  This is often what people pray for, wanting clear direction from God, sometimes verbally, sometimes with a sign, etc.

So, without getting too deep, everything we ever do is already in God's will.  Everything that ever happens is already in God's will.  He's already taken into consideration everything and allowed it all to happen "for the good" (Romans 8:28).  This is God's decreed will, and we can never be out of it.

What we should pray for is to be in God's desired will.  I suspect (as does DeYoung) that as long as we make decisions based on biblical wisdom, then we'll always be in God's desired will, as it is the Spirit that speaks to us through God's Word.  One chapter even presents practical things to pray for, and I found this quite helpful.  How often we tend to overlook the obvious.

What many of us actually pray for is for God's will of direction to be obvious, like Gideon's fleeces or the clouds above spelling out a phrase.  This is just setting ourselves up for disappointment time and time again.  Can God show us direction?  Absolutely, but it's a rarity, both in scripture and now.

"Apart from the Spirit working through Scripture, God does not promise to use any other means to guide us, nor should we expect him to."  (p. 68)

It seems to (once again) boil down to semantics.  The English language lacks the proper capabilities to articulate clearly***.  For example, our word hot may mean many different things, from spicy to scalding to sexy to trendy and on and on.  One word for multiple meanings.  That's why I try to use picante if I mean spicy; caliente for high temperatures; etc.  Likewise, we shouldn't group God's Will into one phrase.

This is key to understanding the book.

DeYoung also posits that cultural differences between our time and a century ago is responsible for a lot of our indecision, especially with the privileged, instantaneous society we now find ourselves in.  Most of us are spoiled and rich (in 1999, 3 billion people lived on less than $2 per day [source]) and impatient and the list goes on.  These factors (especially growing up in America) certainly affect our outlook on life, as well as our parents and their parents, too.  As such, we've been raised to think a certain way--that our each and every choice and action is extremely important.  Look at "Choose Your Own Adventure" books or karma based video games like Fallout.  They pander to the fact that every choice matters.  No wonder we're so indecisive.

The answer to the dilemma, as DeYoung would have us think, is to basically love God with our whole hearts, bodies, minds, and souls, and everything else will be in God's will.  With everything we do, we should to it to glorify God.  As I post this review, it should be for God's glory.  As I chew on the black liquorice jelly bean I just ate, I should glorify God.  For without Him, there would be nothing, and He alone is worthy to be praised.

"Live for God.  Obey the Scriptures.  Think of others before yourself.  Be holy.  Love Jesus.  And as you do these things, do whatever else you like, with whomever you like, wherever you like, and you'll be walking in the will of God."  (p.122)

"Study the Scriptures, listen to others, and pray continually--that's the best course of action."  (p.98)

It should also be noted that Just Do Something is a funny book.  DeYoung writes with communicable language, which is perfect for this type of book.  It's not too deep and eloquently written (a la CS Lewis), but it's friendly and conversational.  There were stories that literally had me laughing aloud.

In the end, Just Do Something was a powerful book.  It has literally changed my views on how I see God's will working in my life, and how I work into God's will.  My copy is heavily noted and written in (don't you just love books like that?), and I'm currently reading it aloud to Keisha.  If you suffer from anxiety, indecision, and general fear from being out of God's will, then I highly recommend Just Do Something.  Heck, even if you don't (which, coincidentally, I didn't/don't), the book is still worth the read.  In fact, if you would like a copy of the book, let me know and I'll personally mail you one FREE of charge****.  Or you can download the Kindle version for $6.43 if you have an e-reader.  Whatever the case, I would love for everyone to read this book (and take to heart its message) so they can live life liberated.  Jesus didn't die for us to tie ourselves up in bondage and serve tradition and fear; He died for our freedom and so that we can have life in Him.^

"...,the will of God for your life is pretty straightforward: Be holy like Jesus, by the power of the Spirit, for the glory of God."  (p. 62)

-------

*My wife didn't particularly care for the non-romantic view on marriage.  DeYoung doesn't believe in "soul mates" and that stuff.  I don't know whether I do or not, but I do believe that Keisha is my soul mate, if that makes sense.  She is who I am supposed to be with and I love her more than she knows.

**DeYoung doesn't get into this issue very much, and neither will I.  In short, God didn't create robots, but independent creatures gifted with free will.  He holds us responsible for our "ethical" choices.  Everything else we do, we do for the glory of God.

***I started an outline and an essay a few months back on my problem(s) with language, in particular English language.  Perhaps I'll have to revisit this again...

****Limited time only.  Offer good while I have the funds to do such a thing.  But seriously, email me your addy and I'll do everything in my power to send you a copy.

^This was a difficult review to write, and I feel like I either a) rambled, b) left out a lot, or c) both a & b.  I easily could have kept going, but in an effort to not reveal too much, I chose to only approach certain topics of DeYoung's book.  There are only 10 chapters across 128 pages or so, so there's not that much quantity-wise in it, but enough quality that there's plenty more to think about.

Lent, a Reflection

"It is finished."  These were Jesus's dying words as He hang--beaten, bloodied, bruised, and broken--dying on the cross.  With wheezing breath and a mouthful of bile and sour wine, Jesus breathed His last and took on the final weight of God's wrath.  He did it for me, for you, and for everyone else in the world, so that we do not have to be condemned for our sins.  His sacrifice is the ultimate act of love, and there will never be an act greater than this.  For some reason, He loves me.

This is culmination of Lent, and the most profound thing I "learned" through my season of fasting.  For forty-six days I went without certain luxuries, weaning myself down from fruits & veggies in the beginning to juice & water for the last two weeks or so and ending with a 30 hour famine.  Had I been alone, I surely would have failed, but fortunately a few friends decided to embark on this journey with me, and we all succeeded, and drew closer to God in the process.

I'm not sure where to start on this reflection.  I spent a lot of time in the bible, reading Genesis through Deuteronomy.  I've not read from the OT in quite a while, so this was enjoyable and fun.  It's interesting to see Man's beginning, especially noticing the involvement of the Spirit in creation.  And seeing God's promise to Abraham, and carrying it out through Moses at the end of the Torah, is a lot of what I've focused on.  For some reason, God chose to bless Israel, a small, weak, and inferior nation.  He promised to love them and always be with them.

It's crazy to see Israel turn from God so many times.  Practically the rest of the OT is Israel's see-sawing up and down, in and out of God's will.  More often than not they're turned away, chasing after false gods and pagan rituals, even though God warned them not to do so.  And yet, whenever they repent and call on the name of the Lord, God hears their cries and redeems His people.  This love of God is what refined my outlook.  For how is Israel any different than my life?

I began my relationship with Jesus at age 11, fourteen years ago.  After salvation, the flame is always bright and fierce, but time and the world diminish the light.  I never turned pointedly to idols, but really, turning from Christ to pursue any other love is idolatry.  For years I loved Him and sought Him, I failed Him and hated Him, over and over again.  College brought about independence, which led (thankfully) to me buckling down and getting serious.  I earnestly prayed and sought Him more and more, and yet I still failed.  This is no different than today.  I still seek to be more Jesus-shaped with each passing day, but I still screw up and fail, too.  This, too, is what I've learned.  The more I seek to be like Christ, the more broken I realize I am, the more messed up I see myself, the more I realize that without Christ, I am nothing.

It's so humbling to think that Jesus intentionally chose to die for me.  We're calloused and selfish enough to think that we deserve it, but that's a lie to make ourselves feel better about His sacrifice.  For we've all sinned, thus we all deserve Hell and condemnation (Romans 6:23.)  Thankfully, for those of us who are in Christ Jesus, there is now no condemnation (Romans 8:1.)  We're no longer held liable for our shortcomings, for Jesus, the perfect, innocent, blameless Lamb, took on the full price of our sins, bearing all of God's heavy price for disobedience.

It begs the question.  Why does He love me so much?  Why did He give up heaven and glory to come to the earth and offer a path for redemption?  This is the mystery of the gospel, for God sees something inside me that I can't see.  He loves me despite me.  And this impossible love He has for me is the same impossible love He has for you.  This love is a gift we do not deserve, but it's there for us anyway.  I am so thankful to God that is was offered freely to us.

Lent ends with Easter, the day we celebrate Jesus's rising from the dead and finally defeating death and hell.  Without His resurrection, salvation would be impossible, but because Christ was blameless and pure, He was not condemned to an eternity apart from God, but instead given the right-hand seat of the Father.  His sacrifice was final and full enough to cover the billions of people that would come after Him.  All we must do is accept His blood, apply it to our account and God will give us eternal life with Him in heaven.  Everything else is nothing.  If we accept Jesus's sacrifice and his resurrection, we are promised life forever (Romans 10:9).  This is the greatest gift.

The past forty-six days were a great experience for me.  Not only did it open my eyes to God's wonderful love for me, but it also taught me some practical, earthly things, too.  I lost fifteen pounds, a nice side effect.  I didn't die, even though my stomach grumbled and complained many days.  It's sad how spoiled we are.  So many in the world live all their days without enough food, and we complain when we go 12 hours without a meal.  I also realized how much I crave soda pops (Mountain Dew, in particular).  I disciplined myself to waking up much earlier than I need to in order to spend plenty of time in the Word and in prayer.  All of these, plus the aforementioned greater understanding of God's love for me.

In conclusion, Lent was an amazing season in my life, and I'm glad I felt the conviction in my heart to observe it.  Even more so, I pray that you, dear readers, can profess this same love I feel in my heart toward Jesus.  If you don't know Him or aren't sure where you stand in your life with Him, then I beg you, put aside everything else and examine yourself.  Talk with a minister about it.  Read the bible, especially the gospels and Romans.  Shoot me an email, even.  Whatever the case, I urge you, don't let this gift pass you by.  It's the best choice I've ever made in my life, and by the love of God, I want to share it with the rest of the world.

Hark! Radiation! Gardens! Composting! Transitions! Jesus!?

Hearken!  If anyone has ears to hear, let him listen!  Or should it be "If anyone has eyes to see, let him see!"?  Or should it be "If anyone is literate, let him read!"?  Gah!  Forget it.

Randall Munroe of xkcd put up a fascinating chart detailing radiation dosages in different situations, compiling several different sources from the mighty interwebs.  Check it out below (or go here to view the original page).

Unless you have phenomenal eyesight, click to gigantify

Am I the only one who finds it odd that bananas contain radiation?  I mean, it makes perfect sense, considering radiation is everywhere (EVERYBODY PANIC!) and bananas are, um, there.  If you break it down, if you eat 4000000 bananas in a short period of time, you're going to get radiation poisoning.  The radiation probably wouldn't be fatal, but the freaking 4000000 bananas sure would be.  This is why I steer clear of bananas.

I'm not sure why, but I've always been fascinated by radiation disasters, like Chernobyl or Hiroshima and the likes.  It's horrifying to think that we're capable of such devastation.  I did a report in high school on J.R. Oppenheimer and have always been fascinated by his often quoted phrase (which in turned is quoted from the Bhagavad Gita): "Now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."

Can you imagine being responsible for such death and destruction?  Sure, there were plenty of other issues going on during the times, but still, nuclear power.  I, for one, have no problems with nuclear power plants.  (This coming from a civil & environmental engineer.)  Heck, I don't have a problem with bombs either, though it depresses me to no end thinking that innocent people die from their destruction.  (It depresses me that not-so-innocent people die, too.)  I don't know where I'm going with this.  I meant to write about how I thought that xkcd chart was interesting, but maybe I'm just morbid.

For lack of transition, Spring has arrived in beauty and splendor.  The weather has been in the 60s and 70s, perfectly windy, with glorious sunshine and radiance.  Our hyacinths sprouted a few days ago and are already standing tall and smelling wonderfully.  The tulips haven't yet bulbed, but they shall soon.  Sunday afternoon I spent several hours outside, working in the garden, flipping soil, etc.  After that I planted about 50 onions while Keisha planted some peppers, tomatoes, and lettuce in a mini-greenhouse for transplanting later.  She also planted some carrots in the flower garden, since we're not going to have as much greenery as we did last year.  If all goes well, we'll have a nice little harvest this year.

I've always wanted to compost, but I've never known how really.  Apparently, if I wanted any compost for use this spring/summer, then I needed to start last fall.  Still, I'm thinking I may try my hand at making some in use for any fall crops we happen to plant.

Truthfully, I'm just hoping my yard doesn't have as many weeds as it did last year.  I know very little about yard maintenance, but I know enough that weeds look like crap.

For lack of transition, we met with some pediatricians yesterday, trying to select one before our daughter arrives.  Stewart Little has been kicking up a storm lately, and I find it hard to describe how much I'm looking forward to holding my baby.  It's amazing.

For grasp of a transition, it's amazing that we get the privilege to serve and worship the God of the Universe.  I was listening to a sermon yesterday that talked about how we often like to focus on the fact that we have to give up and sacrifice things to serve God and that we often spin that as a sad story.  Truthfully, said the minister, it's an amazing, beautiful story.  We get the honor to serve and worship God when He could just as easily squash us for our sin.  How awesome is that?  Moreso, how awesome is it that He loves us despite our wickedness?  I mean, can you imagine being responsible for the death and destruction of the soul, how our sins are tiny atomic bombs dropped on our souls over and over throughout our lives, and yet Jesus loves us even though we're sick with banana poisoning?  It's honestly the most astonishing thing imaginable that God loves us.  We're being selfish and vain if we think the Creator owes us anything. 

More and more I find my thoughts turning towards God.  I hunger for His Word.  I thirst for the Spirit's presence and guidance.  I yearn to worship Jesus, so that the Father can be exalted.  I am so unworthy, and yet God has made me worthy.  I mean, I'm an idiot, yet God loves me.  Craziness.  Amen.

For lack of transition, Epic Weekend is coming.  LOTR extended version marathon.  Risk.  Nerf guns.  Nights of mayhem and sleeplessness.  Mischief and miscellany.  Disc golf.  Music.  Laughs and fellowship.  I cannot wait.

Telos, for lack of transition.

The Meaning of It All, being chiefly an article about Love and Commitment

I can't get Jars of Clay "Love Song for a Savior" out of my head.  The refrain is so simple, but so profound, when offered to Jesus.

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Really, what else could I want?  Is there any other that I'd rather fall in love with?  No, there is no one but God.

This song has me thinking back to a few memory verses ago.  Deuteronomy 10:12,13 has Moses asking the Israelites what the LORD requires of them.  He lists five things.

1. To fear the LORD
2. To walk in all His ways
3. To love Him
4. To serve Him with all their hearts and all their souls
5. To keep the commandments and statutes given to them

Do you see #3?  God requires that His people love Him.  And even though these verses are explicitly to the Israelites, they carry over to all of us that are now children of the Promise.  God still requires these five things of us if we are following Him. While there could be commentary on each of these points, I want to focus in particular on #3, especially with its relation to the Jars of Clay song.

The truth of the command--to love Him--is simple; the actuality of it is more involved.  How do we love Him?  How do we love anybody?  Can we be forced to love somebody or something?  No, our love is an intentional choice that we give away.  It is the greatest gift we have available to give.  We have the option to either love or not to love anything, from our spouses to our jobs to our children to the stranger on the corner.  We can choose to not show love, and our love is often conditional.

God's love for us, though, is unconditional, and this is a choice he intentionally made.  He could have loved us conditionally, punishing us for our sins or turning His back to us for our pride.  He would have been perfectly just in doing so, but that's not His character.  For some crazy reason, God has promised unconditional love on us, and this blows my mind.  I don't deserve His love, yet He gives to me at all times (Lamentations 3:22,23).  He renews His mercies every morning for us.  Despite the fact that we're all failures in life and we've all sinned, God still chooses to love us.

So the question is if God commands us to love Him, then why wouldn't we?  How could we not love someone who unconditionally loves us?  Why would we want to turn away from that love?  (I think it's because of ignorance or self-pride, but that's neither here nor there.)  Somehow, perhaps it's the confines of this flesh, our bodies do not want to love God but want to love the world.  This epic tragedy is the gaping problem of many Christians, as well as the lost.  There is no love in the heart for God.

If we are in love with God then we will show it.  We will proclaim our love to Him (through worship and praise and thanksgiving).  We will show off our love, like the young couple that walks hand in hand and dripping with undeniable chemistry.  We will talk about our love, to the point that it could very well sicken those around us.  But the amazing part is that we can enjoy this relationship with other people that are in love with the Creator of the Everything. 

The love of God and for God is not an exclusive love, but an open, free-for-all bottomless tank.  God loves us so much and wants a relationship with us.  He gave us His word.  He gave us the Spirit.  He gave us the blood of His Son.  He made us His children, giving us the right to speak to him (via prayer).  We have everything available to make a meaningful relationship with Him, but so many of us choose not to do it.

How is that even sane?  I don't know.  I know I have dropped the ball of the relationship innumerable times, turning from Him and pursuing my own selfish desires.  There have been people I have not shown love to, and that is painful looking back.  Still, when I look up, God's there for me, waiting with a cross-shaped hug to embrace me and dote on me.

With the starting of Lent (a liturgical season I have never practiced) I have committed myself to actively pursuing God for the next 46 days.  I will be fasting and praying and reading His word religiously (hahahaha! puns!), desperately seeking to draw nearer to the Savior who gave/gives everything to me.  I want to fall in love with Him every possible moment of my life.  There is no one else I would rather love.

My Heart Overflows, My Heart Grieves

I'm finding myself more and more overwhelmed by God's grace every day.  My heart yearns to know Him more.

Words want to pour from my mind, through my fingertips as I type, proclaiming Christ as King, exalting Him above all others, but all the words I have to give don't even scratch the surface of God's majesty.

Why does God love me?  Why wasn't I wiped out of existence and sentenced to hell after my first sin?  Why does He continue to love me even though I continue to fail Him?  Why is His grace renewed every morning?

I recently found a list of "fighter verses" recommended to memorize.  I know a few verses of scripture, but nowhere near as many as I should.  I started this memorization program to equip myself with biblical truth, to hide God's word in my heart so that I might not sin, to be wise in Him, not in the world.  Memorizing scripture is not an easy task, and too often I hear (from my own lips, even) "I don't have a good memory" or "I don't have enough time." 

Bull crap.  Pure and simple.  Inexcusable excuses.  Lies from satan to keep you out of the bible, defeated, burdened, and ensnared.

My heart grieves for our world.  How can we profess love of God and abstain from spending time with Him?  Do you love your kids?  Do you want them to spend more time with you?  Does it not break your heart when they don't?  This is the same for God.  The chief end for man is to glorify God!  It's why we were created, and yet where do our hearts lie?

They lie in routine, in comfortable pews and lazy idleness.  They lie, ultimately, in our own selfish behaviors.  I am convinced that those* that do not follow Jesus choose not to follow Him because of how they see so many "Christians" acting.  To be a Christian is to follow Christ, acting as He would, loving God and loving people.  And how do you love someone?  You spend time with them.  You intentionally invest time a relationship, going above and beyond normal protocol and acting unexpectedly, oftentimes against personal preferences and certainly into the realms of awkwardness/uncomfortableness.

My heart grieves for our dying generations, for people choosing to pursue selfish desires instead of selfless ones.  It hurts to know that there are lost people that do not know the true message of Christ and they're dying without Him.  It hurts me even more to know that there are people that do know the true message, and yet they're too self-absorbed/apathetic to do anything about it.  And, most of all, it hurts me to know there are Christians--followers of Jesus the Christ--that aren't acting as a follower of the Christ.

Matthew 7:21-23 is a sobering passage of scripture. 

21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

It's time to wake up and start acting like Jesus.  It's time to start loving God and following His commandments, which Jesus broke down to two: Love God, Love People.  Otherwise, like Deuteronomy 7:9,10 says:

9 Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations, 10 and repays to their face those who hate him, by destroying them. He will not be slack with one who hates him. He will repay him to his face.

My heart breaks for the world, yet it overflows with the rich promises of God, that to those that love Him and follow Him, He will never leave or forsake us.

-----

*To be clear, a Christian** is not one who judges, not one who condemns, not one who looks down on, not one who hates, not one who is prideful, not one who holds grudges and forgives not.  These actions are not in accordance with a Jesus-shaped person.  The Christ loved everyone and spent His ministry with the poor and broken people of Israel.  If we're emulating Jesus and following His words, these actions ought not be in our lives.

Know, then, those of you that have been hurt or turned-off from Christianity because of these types of actions (and more) that not all who follow Jesus act this way and I apologize for the poor behavior of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  I pray that you've not been too jaded to give Jesus another chance.

**That's not to say that a Christian won't display these actions, but doing so is sinful, but to be human is to be in a fallen world of sin.  Only the love and sanctification of Jesus can overcome our sinful selves, and sanctification is a lifelong process.  Daily we are to die and take up the cross and follow Jesus, fighting the fight and overcoming the world.

Updates! Baby, Life, Movies, Games, Etc.

Chiefly being that we found out yesterday the sex of our baby, plus some ultrasound pictures, and other stuff.
---

1.  Stewart Little, as we've affectionately been calling the fetus, is now sexed, or at least is now sexed to us.  Keisha and I are proud to say that we're having a GIRL.  So it's gonna be me, Keisha, Stewart Little, Stella, and Sofie.  I say I'm vastly outnumbered here...

Aren't those images crazy?  Watching the little bugger squirm and kick and move and punch and everything yesterday was quite surreal, and it's amazing to know that I helped make her.  See the little feet!  The face still looks alien and skeletal, but I'm smitten.  It was funny how hyper and active she was, too, but everything looked great and healthy, and we thank God for that.

2.  We ordered our crib, changing table, and dresser last night from JC Penny.  I applied for a credit card to save an additional 10% off, was approved, and then found out my limit was $50 less than what the total cost was.  So I called Penny's and requested an immediate credit increase of $100 and got that taken care of.  Then I went to finish the purchase and was asked to enter my credit card info, which I didn't have as I had no card yet, so I made another phone call.  Everything was going well until my phone died about 20 minutes into the call, so I had to call back and repeat the entire process.   All said and done, I spent about 45 minutes on the phone working it all out, but in the end we got our stuff ordered and now we're waiting for the backorder to fill and ship.

3.  My paycheck is currently 19 days late, which is to say that I'm technically due two checks, as another is now 5 days late.  This is confusing, as my firm was awarded a 10+ million dollar contract recently (though obviously we've seen no money from this yet, as the project is in its early infancy).  I simply ask for your prayers in all this stuff, knowing God will provide and take care, but it's quite stressful, too.

4.  My brother returned from Afghanistan over the weekend, and I got to see him on Saturday.  We spent an hour or so sitting around and just talking, and it was great.  I'm very thankful God watched over him and kept him safe.  His unit encountered Taliban forces 41 times, and he was part of about 35 of those encounters, so God definitely saw to him.

5.  My reading life is hectic.  I'm listening to an audio book at work (Terry Brooks' Bearers of the Black Staff), and nearly finished.  I'm finally reading a STAR WARS book that I've been waitlisted on for a while.  I also checked out Joe Abercrombie's The Heroes (so many great reviews already) yesterday, which was purchased by my request to the library.  I really want to start this soon, as I won't be able to renew it, since its waitlist is already growing.  And then I'm reading an unpublished manuscript for someone, which has been quite enjoyable so far, and I'm about halfway through that.  And then there's the smattering of graphic novels and comics I need to read and return.  (Oh, and let's not even consider the time I'm spending playing Dead Space 2.)  All of this on my plate and knowing Pat Rothfuss' The Wise Man's Fear will be shipped to my house come early March.  So much to read...

6.  As for Dead Space 2, it's been phenomenal.  It's captured all of the terror and features of gameplay the first one had and upped the graphics and added better controls.  The plot has been crazy; the necromorphs plentiful; the fear tense.  I've only got a chapter or two left before I beat the game, and I've really enjoyed this play through.

7.  We watched two James Bond films over the weekend: Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace.  Neither Keisha nor myself have seen much (or any) of Bond, but we both liked these movies.  Daniel Craig does great, and I'm looking forward to diving into more Bond, especially adding the older ones onto my Netflix queue.

8.  So much going on in life right now that there's no way I could cover it all.  At times I'm stressed.  Other times I'm amazed.  Sometimes I'm sickened and dismayed.  Through it all I look to Jesus and try to live like Him.  I fail, I know, but I try.

Coffee, a Puzzle, and An Unexpected Rant

It all starts with coffee.  Fresh ground coffee.  The kind of stuff that wants to be imbibed immediately.  Usually it is, paired with some 1% milk to give it a boost of flavor and distinction.  The rest is hermetically sealed in my less-than-good stainless steel thermos and carted off to work, where I'm forced to quickly down two or three more cups if I want anything resembling hot coffee.  Typically the first cup is fine.  Enjoyable.  Savored.  I'm doing good and the world is going well.  Then I pour the second cup.  My mouth is not ready for more brew, nor are my stomach and bladder, but they're gonna take it whether they like it or not.  I wind up regretting this choice almost every time.  Halfway through the cup I'm sick of coffee.  I'm sick of how it tastes and how it makes me feel.  I'm sick of the bitterness left on my tongue and the yearning for the bathroom.  I usually just throw the dregs down in one quick shot, wincing and convulsing--literally shuddering sometimes.  And then it's over.

I find myself wondering why.  Probably because I paid for the stuff and I'm danged well gonna get my money out of it.  But really, is physical and emotional anguish worth the few paltry dollars spent on coffee beans?  I don't know.  Perhaps I should invest in a new thermos, one that will keep stuff hotter for longer than one hour.  Then I would have all day to enjoy the rich tasting aroma that makes coffee a favorable drink.  Until then, I'll stick with my failed thermos.*

For any wordsmiths out there, yesterday's puzzle (from my daily puzzle calendar**) was quite challenging.  I'll repeat it here below.

None of the answers below contain an A, E, I, N, T, or S - six of the most commonly used letters in English.  Answers 1 to 5 are nine letters long; answer 6 is eleven letters and is the longest common word that lacks any of the six letters mentioned above.

1. Groundhog
2. Never-failing, as a method
3. Machinery that runs as a timepiece
4. Study of Earth's water
5. Nonsense; hogwash
6. Green pigment in photosynthesis

Good luck.  I was particularly happy with #4 since I took a lot of classes in this during my college years, and my job is heavily involved in it.  This calendar has been pretty fun and occasionally challenging. 

So Sunday is the Super Bowl.  This is the first year I've actually ever sat down and watched football intentionally, and I have to say, I'm looking forward to the game.  Granted the team I was rooting for (Colts!) didn't make it, but still, I'll be interested to just watch and experience the Big Game.  Service has been moved for the Youth to someone's house and I've been asked to help lead a little worship service at the start of the festivities.  A year ago I would've said no, no way, find somebody else, heck no, no, No.  But I simply said sure, no problem this year.

I'm astonished at how far I've come.  And lest anyone think I'm boasting, it's all for the glory of Jesus Christ, that God will be exalted and worshiped.  Without His help I would be nothing.  I see my guitar playing and my singing as gifts that God has blessed me with, and while I think I play and sing merely mediocre, I now no longer care.  I do it not to be heard or seen, but that the Spirit can move and lift up the name of Jesus and that the Youth will grow in their faith and will have no fears when serving God.  After all, a follower of Christ living in fear is only defeated by themselves. 

I used to say no because I was scared and timid.  Stepping up was uncomfortable and God had other people that could do the work.  But the more I read the Bible (especially Matthew), the more I realized that Jesus called us to be uncomfortable, to be in awkward situations.  It takes faith to step out into awkwardness, an attitude of the heart that says God, I trust in You that You know what You're doing.  And in that faithfulness, whether we see any fruit of our labors or not, His will is working.  It is this that has led me to stepping out and stepping up.  Too many "Christians" are sitting comfortably in their traditions, in their pews, in their hearts, that they've grown lazy and stagnant in their faith.  As the adage says, "If you're not moving forward, you're going backwards."  That's very true with God.  He hates lukewarm; He spews it from His mouth.

This same sentiment extends well outside the doors of Christianity.  If you're going to commit to something, commit, don't just sign up and stay uninvolved.  Who wants a benchwarmer on their team?  Or an occasional paladin?  No one.  I suppose it's our fallen human nature that wants to stay complacent and lazy, but this must be bypassed in order to live a life worth living.  It's easy to come home and plop down in front of the tv or pick up a book.  Get involved in your own world.  Ignore the rest.  That selfish attitude is simple.  Everybody's good at that.  But that's not living life.

It takes work, uncomfortableness, awkwardness, and effort to truly live.  How does a family grow if you give it no time?  Or how does a community grow, or any other relationship?  Relationships are a fundamental part of a functioning, meaningful, committed life, be it with friends, family, church members, or strangers on the street.  And the only way to grow relationships is by getting up and stepping out.  It's like in KOTOR 2: "Apathy is death."

.......I don't know what happened.  I was going one way and I ended up with a rant.  Sorry.  So, uh, happy Thursday?  I've got a new flash fic piece for tomorrow that I'm really proud of.  Hope you read it and enjoy it. After I read it to Keisha she said "you are one twisted person."  That's the kind of response I like.

-----
*The thermos used to work, but due to my negligence (i.e., it not being dishwasher safe), I ruined the rubber seal, so the thermos seeps out heat.  Something something thermodynamics...

**This comes from THE MENSA PUZZLE CALENDAR 2011.  Not sure who came up with the riddle or I'd give them credit.  The box the calendar came in says by Mark Danna and Fraser Simpson, so I'll give them credit.

Where I'm At

I feel like my life is at the confluence of a great and mighty river.  Ahead I see the waters flowing off as one single stream, fuller now than ever before.  Behind me there are many waterways, some stretching beyond the horizon, others springing out the ground.  Sometimes I am floating in these streams, meandering and twisting with no particular care or aim.  Other times I'm aboard a vessel and taking charge of my course.  And then there are times when I'm struggling to stay afloat, fighting with every last breath to rise above the rapids and gasp down air.

The past is an interesting thing.  Dwell on it too long and you find yourself waxing nostalgic, wishing for the impossible, and mostly disappointed.  That's the thing about the past: it's full of disappointments.  A favorite sports team losing a pivotal game.  An automobile accident that cost hundreds of dollars.  A friend letting you down.  But mostly I think we're disappointed in ourselves.

As we age, we hopefully grow wiser.  This isn't always the case, and too often we're forsaking the safety of the ship for a leisurely swim in the treacherous currents.  Sometimes we can get sucked under and end up lost at sea and away from the ship.  For me, my past seems to be a constant teeter-totter of on-board/at-sea, one minute helmsman, the next a piece of jetsam. 

I've always held fast to optimism, and I still do.  I'm a strong believer that thinking positively drastically affects one's well-being and global view.  Of course, thinking positively can only go so far, but still, it's a better position than being a constant pessimist.  This type of thinking helps no one.

A cynic may suggest that pessimism is a more realistic view of life, and that may be true, but I don't think so.  Life is a matter of subjectivity, and it's only as good (or bad) as we make it.  I'm comfortably and optimist and a realist.  I'm 20% laid off, but I'm confident that God will take care of me and mine.  I struggle with knowing whether or not I should keep my job, cause late paychecks and uncertainty is stressful.  I have financial worries--mortgage, student loans, and general debt--but God will work in this, too.  I love my house but want to sell it to save money.  My health insurance has a $7000 deductible and Keisha's pregnant.  I'm expecting my first child, and I could despair at thinking How could I bring a child into this world?, but I leap at the excitement of becoming a dad.  I have daddy issues a-plenty and the relationship with my father pains me to no ends, often sending me into a dark place whenever I even think about him, so I long to be the best dad I can be to my child.  I am now teaching (as of December 26) my Sunday School class, and this somewhat terrifies me, but at the same time forces me to grow and step up.

Honestly, somewhere along the way these past few months my mind has slowly switched to a more Jesus-shaped view.  I've found myself wanting to read and study the bible.  I've grown to love Christian non-fiction.  The other day I found myself thanking God for my blood type (I'm O-Neg, so I can give to all people), and this realization struck me as profound.  In all I do I am seeking to glorify God and to act as Jesus would.  Do I succeed?  Heck no, but I'm trying.

So where am I at in life?  I'm at a place where the future is opened up before me, filled with possibilities and excitement.  I have no idea what it looks like.  Sometimes the weight of it all is threatening to drown me, but then I remember that I'm on the ship and in no danger.  The future is bright, the water is clear, and grace abounds.

Bits & Pieces

• We're starting back up the worship service at the Pitino Shelter.  We took a little break (a few months, actually), and hopefully the cold weather will have more people in attendance.  
• We've been selling things on ebay to make some extra cash.  We've got rid of a lot of textbooks, the PS2, and some N64 games.  Still more to go.
• I would give my left arm to pre-order Dead Space 2 and buy it on January 25.  The first game was my favorite FPS of all time, and probably my second favorite PS3 game I've played.  (Reviewed here.)
• Anybody play Rook?  
• Anybody wanna surprise me and buy me a copy of Dead Space 2?  You'll have my eternal gratitude.
• The MENSA desk calendar William got me for Christmas has proven quite fun this new year.
• Dave is risen and blogging again!  Go. There. Now.  (What, Dave? Even after my eulogy for you? So if you die again, do I have to do another one?  Grr... Is there a book on blogging etiquette?)
• Seriously.  Dead Space 2.  Anybody?

On Stars and Beauty

Call me lame, but I enjoy looking at beautiful things.  A green Kentucky field of ripe crops with a clear blue sky above, maybe a few wisps of cirrus clouds.  A mountainous roadway, winding up and down the valleys through orange and brown colored trees, splashed with the autumnal glow of harvest time.  Or a pure white blanket of snow, untouched and undisturbed, lying in its natural state apart from man.  Or, truly, looking into the infinitely deep blacks and browns of my wife's eyes.  These things, and many more, are all beautiful sights to see.

But there's one sight that always sucks me in, and that's when my gaze falls upon the night sky.  Ever since I was a young lad, back in elementary school when we were allowed to look at a solar eclipse using a paper plate or something, I've been fascinated with the heavens.  Couple the awesomeness of constellations with my young love of Greek mythology and I was a kid who spent time looking at stars.

I'm still that kid who spends time looking at stars.  I'll take the dogs out at night and inevitably my face is turned towards the heavens.  Orion shines down on me, his sword and shield drawn up in a fighting stance.  And there's the Big Dipper, the Great Ladle in the Sky.  These same stars were seen thousands of years ago, and there's something about that that I find amazing.  And then I look to the dim glimmers of stars, the ones that disappear completely when I focus on them but reemerge when I flick my eyes away.  How far away are they?  How old is the light that I'm looking at now?

At times I contemplate the emptiness of space.  While we often focus on the heavenly bodies- the stars, planets, nebulae, comets, asteroids, and all other things- most of space is void and empty.  Some may find this daunting.  Depressing.  But I see it as a thing of beauty.  It's a contrast that's needed to distinguish the awesomeness of the stars that I so love.  Without the void there would be no reason to notice the stars.

Now that winter is looming, the cold night air provides an often clear sky that almost always captivates me whenever I'm out at night.  I find myself staring at the moon, wishing beyond wish that I could be there and see what Earth looks like from afar.  See how much larger Mars or what the Sun looks like from the Moon.  Different perspectives give different insights.  It's not from visions of grandeur or ego but a true desire to see the planet we call home.  See how small and insubstantial it is in the big picture, as well as how small and insubstantial we are, too.

And yet, despite being a tiny speck in the eyes of the universe, we are nevertheless significant.  The ability to think and reason, to love and hate, to discover joy and endure suffering.  We are all unique creations, made in the image of the One who made the beauty of the heavens, and if there is beauty in all of God's creatures, then we, too, are beautiful.  We have purpose.  Meaning.  Why else would we have been made?

It's hard to fathom why God chose to make us.  I mean, I know we were created to glorify and worship Him, but why us?  Isn't the pure glow of stars a more glorious song to God than a prayer from a fallen and dirty man?  Is what makes us beautiful the fact that we were made by God and in His image or the fact that we're individuals with unique properties?  Or is it the beating heart within us and the longing spirit we have that seeks to find some sort of meaning in this life?

Earth is so screwed up.  We have people starving to death because they can't find food to eat.  Freezing for lack of somewhere to shelter.  Dying because of someone's rage and anger.  It's death that taints the beauty of our world, and we only have death because of the first sin.  And because of that, we're all marred by the ugly stain of sin, and I feel that that makes us ugly to God, so much so that He can't stand to even look at us.

The stars, they're not plagued with this problem.  The celestial bodies all floating around in the universe are not rendered ugly by man's sin.  Maybe this is why I find them so beautiful, why I'm inexplicably drawn to looking at them and seeing their beauty anew each and every night.  Pure and untainted, the views in the heavens are nearly the most beautiful thing in the universe.

The only thing they fall short of is the beauty of a person who's come under the blood of Christ.  Because even though the stars and planets are unblemished, a person saved by the grace of God has been re-made in the likeness of His Son, Jesus, who is part of God Himself.  It's this act, the act of salvation, of being justified in God's eyes, that puts us above the beauty of the stars.  And this love is even more unfathomable than the question earlier.  Why would God choose to save us?  His love is beyond reason, but I'm thankful nonetheless.

-----

Surely I'm not the only one captivated by stars and astronomical beauty.  Heck, I know I'm not.  David Crowder Band has a great song, aptly titled "Stars," that I've embedded below.  I'd recommend watching it and looking at the wonderful imagery put together and listening to the words Crowder sings.

The Gospel According to Jesus, a Review

The Gospel According to Jesus, by Chris Seay, is a very thought-provoking book. It's a slim read, barely 200 pages, but it packs a lot in its easy-to-read prose.

The premise of the book is that Seay is concerned with how American Christians fail to understand key terms to the faith, like "righteousness" or "justice." A survey was commissioned that gave dismal results that Seay's concerns are justified. The rest of the book deals with this issue.

On the ...more The Gospel According to Jesus, by Chris Seay, is a very thought-provoking book. It's a slim read, barely 200 pages, but it packs a lot in its easy-to-read prose.

The premise of the book is that Seay is concerned with how American Christians fail to understand key terms to the faith, like "righteousness" or "justice." A survey was commissioned that gave dismal results that Seay's concerns are justified. The rest of the book deals with this issue.

On the surface, this idea does not intrigue me in the least bit. Definitions are relatively fickle things, and one may have a different idea of what "righteousness" means than Seay or the study. Still, as I progressed through the book, I found myself captivated by what I was reading.

Seay has a heart that longs for Christ. He wants this feeling to shine through all who claim to follow Jesus, and the book largely deals with this. How would Jesus treat the poor? The sick? The environment? The greedy? Jesus would show them all a loving, compassionate side that we are unfamiliar with, and Seay makes his points well.

I read this book with a pencil in hand, underlining sentences that struck a chord. Looking back, there were plenty. Seay has a way with allegories or metaphors that really make sense of what he's trying to say, as well as what Scripture is saying.

There were a few things in the book that I was a bit wishy-washy on, but on the whole, The Gospel According to Jesus is an excellent read for the critically-thinking Christian. Its ideas are things that should be taken to heart and pondered on.

This book was provided to me by Thomas Nelson Publishers and Booksneeze in exchange for an honest and fair review of the product.  

Winter Spring Summer Fall, A Review

Winter Spring Summer Fall: Living and Lasting in Missions, by Ryan Murphy, is non-fiction book that tells what life is like as a young missionary in Kenya.  I received the book courtesy of the author himself, after I expressed interest in reviewing it.

I really enjoyed reading WSSF.  When I started, I expected a bland account of what life was like, and indeed, the first few pages did not exactly pique my interests.  However, as I pressed on, I quickly realized my initial reactions were wrong.  Because right after the Introduction, once the first stories from the field were played out, I was hooked.  Murphy’s stories were fascinating and real.  It was almost like a friend returning from vacation and telling you all the things he’d seen while he was away.

Murphy writes conversationally, and I thought the book read almost like a series of blog posts.  The book chronicles his thoughts about different seasons of life, spanning opinions on things like racism, financial support, stress, etc.  It’s easy to see that Murphy has a heart for Kenya and its people.  He cares about the students at Rift Valley Academy.  He cares about his family back in the States.  And all of it is revealed to the reader, honestly and without any sugar-coating.

I suppose one reason I liked this book was that it was an account of something actually happening here on Earth, as opposed to other worlds or magic kingdoms.  The Murphy family, along with other missionaries and nationals, are making a difference in Kenya.  It’s inspiring to see people sacrificing much for the good of the world and the propagation of God’s Plan.

The book was filled with many striking moments.  It had me laughing (especially the story about Ryan’s son being born in Kenya); it had me disturbed; it had me concerned; it had me joyous and thankful.  I’m thankful that there are people out there like Ryan who are willing to travel and give of themselves so freely, letting the Lord use them as He will.  I am thankful that there are people willing to pay and pray for missions.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed Winter Spring Summer Fall.  The slim book (~170 pages) is a very quick read.  If you are in any way interested in what life is like as a missionary, check out Ryan Murphy’s newest book, Winter Spring Summer Fall.  The book is not solely for missionaries, but for those left behind as well.  Murphy writes of how many churches support missionaries and how the conventional support is flawed, and I heartily agree.  I recommend it to anyone that is curious about anything related to missions, from the supporters and the friends left behind to missionaries travelling abroad.  You can purchase the book from Amazon here.  You can check out Ryan’s blog and podcast here.

FTC Thing: This book was provided to me for free by the author in exchange for a review.  There were no hot dogs, Twinkies, or soda pops in the exchange.  Just the book.

What If… Episode One: Knock Off Christian Video Games

I may star a What If… series here on Rememorandom.  If so, don’t count on it being frequent.  Who knows, I may just have good intentions but decide not to do many, or any, more.  We’ll see.  Here’s episode one.

--------------

My friend Alex and I have talked about this on more than one occasion.  What if there was a Christian version of popular video games?  What would the ideal Christian RPG look like?  What about a fighting game?  Side-scrollers?  First person shooters?  The possibilities are endless.

1.  World of Christian Warcraft, Final Fantasy Biblical Edition, Daniel in the Dungeons & Dragons Den, etc.

The Christian RPG would be loaded with classical Bible characters.  The main party would be led by the Apostle Paul, a simple tentmaker with a dark and bloody past.  His sidekick, the short, musically talented David, would be armed with his harp and sling.  Together, they would set off in a world corrupt and brewing with literal evil, battling their way through the realms to bring down the Dark Lord.  Oh no, a random encounter!

*Paul & David vs. 3 Lesser Maniacs of the Gadarenes

Paul, equipped with White Garb (HP +50, Holiness +3) and a steel tent-peg (Damage 47, Weight +12).  David wears Saul’s Armor (HP +15, Speed –7) and has his sling (Damage 30-100, Weight +2) and arsenal of stones with various magic effects.

The Maniacs pool their attacks together and create a Legion.  Looks like the battle will be fierce, but in the end, the trusty team surely will win.  I mean, they have plenty of Lazarus Downs to use in case things get dire.

Who else will they meet along the way?  Surely Moses would have a staff…

2.  Kristian Kombat

KK is exactly what it sounds like it is.  A knock-off of the immortal Mortal Kombat, KK would pit fights to the death between Bible characters and other holy men & women of the past.  Just imagine the possibilities.

Cain vs. Abel, King Saul vs. Saul of Tarsus, Kiriath-jearim vs. John the Baptist, and so many more!  Characters a-plenty.  Button-mashing galore.

Then, at the end of each fight, there would be the “finishing moves,” too.

Peter with his ear-cutting sword.  Samson with his “Imma tear your arms off cause I’m so strong” fatality.  The centurion’s Crucifixion.  Jezebel’s deadly kiss.

3.  Psalm Hero or Psalm Band

This one definitely would be a powerhouse seller.  All 150 Psalms, put to the tunes of popular music, from Big Band era to neo-classical-prog-rock-alt-folk-yodeling.  Everything you could ever imagine rolled up and packaged into a pretty sick deal.

Instead of the typical guitar and drum controllers, the players would get to play with things like the psaltery, trumpet, and 35-button-giant-harp.  Can’t you picture the strolling music bars, prompting you to think ahead and press the buttons at the right time, missing a key button and screwing up your x7 (cause this is Biblical, so all multipliers are x7) combo, getting angry at yourself while the screen blares “Rejoice in the Lord…”?

Oh, such fun.  Psalm 119 would last 20 minutes.  It’d definitely have to be to the tune of “Freebird.”

There you have it.  Three small glimpses at what Christian knock-off video games would look like.  And if that’s not enough to get the hard conservative legalists riled up, then I’m also going to recommend (and embed) this video.  It’s hilarious.  The whole points not to make fun of Christ, but to make a point that Christ isn’t concerned with the trivial things we are.  Instead of WWJD, it’s WWJND.  Watch it.  Laugh at the funny sayings.  It’s long, but it’s very worth it.  Video #2 (@1:42) is great and Video #3 (@3:19) is priceless.

The obligatory ending question: What type of Christian Knock-Off video games did I leave off?  Have I offended you?

On the Bible and Bigotry

Of all the books ever made, the Bible is by far the most influential, best selling tome out there.  Whether you’re religious (I hate using that word) or not, it’s very likely that you know what a Bible is.  They’re ubiquitous nowadays, and to me that’s a good thing.  Personally, I know I own at least 7 Bibles: 1 Thompson Chain KJV, 1 Dake Annotated Reference KJV, 1 Daily KJV, 1 Compact HCSB, 1 Study HCSB, 1 Slim ESV, 1 NASB.  There’s just something special about the book that I love.

The book offers a wide array of authors, but stems from the inspiration of God.  Broken into 66 individual books, including history, poetry, proverbs, prophecy, the Bible is a book filled with wonder.  Some believe that the events in the Bible are fictitious or hyperbolized, but I do not.  The stories of the Old Testament are fascinating.  You get to see many great men and women of God profess their love and adoration to Him, but you see their weaknesses and failures, too.  Moses’ anger.  King David’s lust.  Jonah’s fear.

Nearly all of the events in the Old Testament deal with the people of Israel and their constant love-hate relationship with the Creator.  God’s hand in building up His people, from the birth of Isaac, through the splitting of the kingdom, and to the captivity of the nations, all lead up to the New Testament.

Where is our Savior?  I’m sure they wondered.  Where is the Messiah?

Everyone knows the Christmas story.  Jesus was humbly born in a manger.  This babe grew to become the Savior of Man.  He performed miracles, causing the lame to walk and the blind to see (among others), all in the name of God.  He offered a way of life that involved love and peace, understanding and compassion.  His greatest commandments were to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37,39)

It’s these words that are life-changing.  If we love our God with our everything and we love our neighbors as ourselves, then how can we not love everyone?  How can we be a people of hate and bigotry and then turn around and quote Jesus?  Christ did not say to the harlot “get away from me you vile and wretched whore.”  No.  Jesus loved her.  He welcomed her.  He gave her living water.  He forgave her.  He died for her.

The same is true for you and I.  Jesus, the Son of God, the only true holy person to have ever lived, lived a perfect and flawless life.  His message of love and peace was scoffed at.  His claims of being the Son of God were ridiculed.  He freely gave up his life to be crucified on a horrible, wooden cross.  His arms and feet were nailed into the wood and he was erected on a hill, above the gathered crowd.  He cried out to forgive the people and he died.

This terrible death did not end him, though.  Three days later he arose from the grave, glorified and holy.  He walked the grounds, once again preaching and healing.

I read the Bible.  How can I not?  It is the sole book on which I have based my life upon.  The words, while confusing (I’m looking at you Ezekiel and Daniel), are powerful and God-spoken.  But beyond the words is the message.  The message to love.  If Jesus commanded us to love, then why don’t we?  Why are there people that think it’s okay to be racist?  Prejudiced?  Homophobic?  This is wrong.  Christ did not tell us to love almost everyone as ourselves.  It’s an all or nothing thing.

This post is not about theology.  It’s about the fact that I love the Bible and I wish I read it more.  I love the stories of David and the Judges and the Prophets and the early church.   I love reading about my Savior and his life.  But I also love reading the truth in the Scripture, the convicting truth that we are to love our God with all our heart, body, mind, and soul, and I know I don’t put in all four often enough.  The truth that we are to love everybody, not just those that think like we do.

It’s a tough life and I’m not sure how I could make it without Jesus.  I find comfort and strength in his words.  I fail and fall short often, but I know he’s there for me when I rise again.  It’s my prayer that we’ll be a people that embraces his teaching—all of his teaching—and that our world will be a better place.