What Did He Just SAY???

You want your WHAT back on???

Cue pounding heart and heavy breathing.

Yes, I get up at 6:00 and get ready so that I'm ready to read blogs until the Crazies wake up bounce out the door on our daily adventures.

Yes, most people think I'm crazy.

It works for me.

The other day, at 6:48 AM, the Crazies started stirring.  Now, if you've been reading for a while, you know that I don't typically get them out of bed until 7:30.  Let's call it self-preservation.

When I walked in the door, I was immediately slapped in the face with the smell of horrific poop.  My kids are pretty regular...they poop in the morning (typically after preschool or Kids' Zone...aren't they awesome?).  However, Matt has been sick and this has led to some straying from his path.  No biggie, right?

That's when I noticed that he didn't have his pants on.

I gave him his bink, his lovey, and traipsed my ass downstairs to have my coffee and read blogs meditate.

Husband is leaving for work and I say, "wouldn't that suck if he decided to take his diaper off like he did the other day...ewwwww...poop all over the place.  We'd have to move."

A little melodrama never killed anyone.

I'm not completely off base either...he did take his diaper off last week...only pee though...it could happen.

Around 7:37, I hear him start talking to Hailey.  I love to listen to their little exchanges and giggles in the morning.

I'm getting ready to wash the floors and make fresh bread for breakfast go upstairs when I hear something...can't quite make it out.

"Mommy...I want (mumble, mumble) back on."
"MOMMY...I want (mumble, mumble) back on."

This is me...cold sweat, pounding heart, shaking hands, HOLY SHIT...WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY???  DID HE SAY HE WANTS HIS DIAPER BACK ON?  OMG...THERE IS PROBABLY SHIT ALL OVER THE ROOM AND I'M GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR CLEANING IT UP...NO FUCKING WAY!!!!  OMG...I DON'T WANT TO GO UP THERE...IT'S GOING TO BE GROSS AND I'M GOING TO PUKE!!!

Okay, deep cleansing breath and realization that you have no fucking choice.

I dutifully climb the stairs and say a desperate little prayer outside their bedroom door.

I enter the room trying to avoid the wafting shit from his bed and say, "Good morning guys...Matt, you want what back on?" in my calmest voice ever.

He looks at me with his messy hair and his little pink bink and little cracking voice still fresh from croup and says, "Mommy, I want my pants back on." 

omgthankgodhedidn'ttakehisdiaperoffiwouldhavediedifhedidthatifeelsorelievedandamsohappythationlyhavetodealwithshitinhisdiaperandnotalloverhisbed

Yes...that also qualifies me for mother of the year...take your names out of the running, Ladies...it's all mine!