After I left, I stopped by my parents' house for a little while, and then was heading home to watch Project Runway when I got a craving for a burger. I love a good burger as much as the next person, I won't remotely deny it. That's the kind of thing that's hard to give up when you make the choice to become a vegan. But I made a choice and I'm sticking by it, damnit! I refuse to go back on my vow to not eat meat or meat by-products. So instead, after watching Project Runway (you wouldn't think I'd skip watching that for some food, would you?) I ran down to get some meatless burgers, vegan buns, and some vegan cheese to top it off.
Now, I've had Boca burgers and Morningstar Farms burgers, and they're both very good. They're made from various vegetables (often mushrooms because of their meaty texture) and those veggies are all ground up and formed into a patty that you just cook on a grill or griddle or whatever you want to make it on. Well, when I went to Kroger to get my veggie burgers, I saw that they didn't have either brand that I've tried before. Instead, they had Gardenburger and Amy's Veggie Burgers. The Gardenburger package said The Original Veggie Burger, so I figured it's probably been around for a pretty long time, so they must be good, right? WRONG. It was by far one of the nastiest things I've ever eaten in my life, right up there with scrambled eggs and mussels fresh from the ocean and clams on the half-shell. Apparently they haven't made any changes to the original veggie burger they came out with, but they damn well should have. You could actually look at the patty and distinguish different vegetables in it, especially the mushrooms. I HATE mushrooms so much it's ridiculous, but in Boca and Morningstar Farms burgers, you can't even tell you're eating mushroom, either by looking at them or tasting them. But this Gardenburger had crunchy vegetable bits that didn't remotely resemble a real burger. It was literally impossible to eat.
This is a picture of an actual Gardenburger brand veggie burger. See the corn and carrots?
Listen, I know I signed up for a lifetime of meatless products and fake ham and chicken and turkey and all that stuff, but if they're going to make it, it ought to at least be something similar to the real thing. Just because I became a vegan and refuse to eat meat doesn't mean I won't ever crave a burger now and again. I just want a nice alternative to one made with beef. So trust me when I say I will never buy Gardenburger brand veggie burgers again. Maybe some people like that kind, but I certainly don't. I'll be sticking to the Boca and Morningstar Farms ones from now on, no matter how far I have to drive to find them. They're about 47023820842084205% better, and that's a lot if you're asking me.
This is a picture of the Morningstar Farms veggie burger - now THAT looks pretty darn good to me.
By the way, my friend Liz gave me the recipe book Skinny Bitch in the Kitch which has all vegan recipes, and let me tell you, there are some downright delicious-sounding recipes in there that I can't wait to try. I know most people have heard of the original Skinny Bitch book, which uses straight-forward, often obscene humor and degradation to make people realize how awful some of the things we put in our bodies are. It's a really refreshing take on how food is processed and what some of the things we eat actually are. For instance, they point out what meat really is: rotting slabs of flesh from an animal's carcass. How gross is that now that you think of it that way? Because really, once an animal is dead (humans included), the body begins to break down and rot. Duh. I mean, that's just really nasty when you realize that, but it's such a normal thing in society to eat meat and so accepted that it doesn't seem that weird. Another thing it points out is that humans are the only animals to consume milk as adults, and also the only animals to consume the milk of another species. Babies are the only thing that nurse from a human mother's breasts, unless you're just sorta kinky in a really gross way. Cows produce milk for their calves, so why on Earth would we drink their milk? That's really freaky and disgusting once you see it in that light (at least it was for me). So I'll continue turning up my glasses of soymilk and almond milk and rice milk, which all actually taste a hell of a lot better than a cow's milk, anyway.
So since I've talked about cows and some things that go along with cows, I'll leave you with a couple of pictures of some downright precious cows that I just love. Moooooooooooooooooooooo!
