one of those middle-of-the-night insights: one reason I have become so bloody-minded and determined is this: that my life is now mine in a way it wasn't before the cancer. awareness and gratitude aside, I have earned my life: I made myself go through surgeries, chemos, radiotheraphy, failed reconstructions, dietary changes, pills and shots and dr visits for 5 1/2 years. it was bloody hard work to keep this life.

so no one can tell me what to do with it. The only persons I owe anything to are my parents, my son (because by having him I took on responsibility for him) and, though in a more limited way, my husband. that's all. everyone else I will give to through love or goodwill or sympathy, but it will be my choice. my life.