Wow...
That is so sad...devastating really...especially if you're one of them.
I was one of them.
I always knew I was one of them...I just knew...
Strangely enough I was perfectly healthy. I took good care of myself. I ate well. I hadn't suffered from any diseases or dysfunctions. I just couldn't get pregnant.
No matter how hard I tried.
I should start saying "we" because I was far from alone in this.
I remember thinking that Husband and I should get divorced so that he can go meet someone else and get pregnant without any hassle. After all, it wasn't him that was the problem.
We tried and tried and tried...and cried and cried and cried. Every single month...when I got my period...we cried.
I felt like such a failure...I felt broken...like less of a woman...
I didn't really show it on the outside, but I was emotionally gutted...
I was also shown a new side of myself. I never even knew I wanted kids this badly. I was already a Mom...it wasn't going to matter how it happened, IUI, IVF, adoption...it would happen for us.
Somehow, I knew that IUI wouldn't work for us, but I dutifully went through each cycle...getting more and more frustrated...just thinking we should move on to IVF...I knew that would work.
Somehow I just knew.
We moved on...after three IUIs (one with injections), we moved on to IVF. Countless appointments, phone calls with the drug companies, meetings with the doctor and his nurse, going to check my ovaries, refilling needles, learning more about making slurry of saline and "baby making juice" than I ever thought possible, boxes and boxes of vials and "sharps," freaking out b/c I wasn't sure that all the medicine got into my belly (or ass...God, the ass shots), and more...all of that...to have a baby.
Or two...who knew?
We were one of the lucky ones...it worked...on the first try. I remember when we took the pregnancy test...December 21, 2007. We weren't scheduled for our blood test until December 26th, but we were traveling and would be with my family and I knew I would want to drink wine. So, why not check? Why not pee on a stick?
So I did.
Then I went to empty the dishwasher while Husband dutifully watched the stick. He came out crying...now he knew...what I knew all along.
We were pregnant.
He couldn't believe it...somehow I just knew.
With the miracle of modern science, we had done it.
When people tell us that we "make beautiful babies," we share a smile and think that it wasn't just us...it was all of the other people that chipped in and were so kind to us during this nearly impossible journey. The doctors, nurses, secretaries at the fertility clinic we used. It was the family and friends that were so unbelievably understanding. It was the co-workers and bosses that were so compassionate at times when they could have been less.
We so appreciate it...all of it.
We love our babies...we were one of the lucky ones...somehow I just knew we would be.
So, even though I tell evil stories about them and tell you all how horrible they can be, they're really good kids who make me laugh every single day...we got lucky.
I hope something works for everyone out there who is still waiting for their moment. It's the hardest thing I have done to date and I'm a stronger woman, wife, and mother for it.
