Could you please make up your damn mind? Either your hormones are out of whack or you're just purposefully fucking with us!!! I need you to decide whether you want it to be Winter, Spring, or Summer because in the past few weeks, you've given us a little taste of everything.
Oh, and thanks for getting my kids sick again. Them being sick on top of Parents' allergies is making for a real snotfest here in our house...thanks, thanks a lot.
Sincerely, Mommy and the Crazies
Dear Matt,
Can you please tell me why it was necessary to wake up 50,000,000 times last night? It got so bad that Daddy actually got up a few times! It got so bad that we ran out of binks by 2:30 and had to use Hailey's! What are you trying to do to us? Nothing is wrong with you...you're just confused and crying...welcome to my 20's (okay, not the entire decade...just the mornings when I woke up on someone's couch with a hangover)! I swear, at the rate we're going, you're never going to get rid of your bink b/c it's the only thing that gets you quiet. Are you getting your sister's cold? If so, just breathe through your mouth...I wish you could understand that concept...when one hole is stopped up, use another. I would have let you cry it out, but it goes against my Mommy-instincts when you're sick. I love you a lot, but you've got to let us get some sleep.
Oh, and please stop kicking Daddy in the nads when he's changing your diaper...he takes it personally and really likes his nads apparently.
Love, Mommy
Dear Hailey,
You've been a champ with your cold. You are very very runny, but you're getting much better at asking for a wipe rather than wiping the entire mess all over your face with your bare hands. That's gross, right? Good thing we got that straight. Now, could you stop using "biting" as your go-to move? It's not nice. I also really appreciate you stopping the snotflow long enough for me to go to spin yesterday...I really needed it and you can through again. You rule!
Love, Mommy
Dear Husband,
When I said that our kids are going to be using their binks until they're 12, I wasn't kidding...you shouldn't have laughed. Oh, and I hate you for going back to sleep this morning and for having short hair that you don't have to blow dry. I love you for a lot of things, but I'm tired and bitter this morning, so none of those will be coming out in this letter. One ray of sunshine...tomorrow is your last day at this job. Good riddance...
Love, Wife
