I was giving the kids their lunch. I ignored the first phone call b/c I was knee deep in getting plates and sippies to the high chairs. I answered the second on the advice of Husband who said, "it could be an emergency." He was right...it was an emergency.
Was anything wrong?
No.
Was anyone hurt/sick/in an accident/in the hospital?
No.
Did this completely random phone call make me realize that I'm just not doing enough?
Oh yeah...
There's not much more I can say without giving it all away.
It's haunted me the whole weekend. Did I give the phone call the time it deserved? Did I answer the questions appropriately? Did I make this person feel important enough? Does it even matter? This person was rude, overbearing, giving, obnoxious, needy, nice, and in trouble (confused? So was I.). This person is unlikely to remember the phone call at all. That alone makes me realize that I'm not doing enough.
It was sincere. It was hurtful. It was sad. It was maddening. It was nice. It was confusing. It was rambling. It was nonsensical.
I'm not doing enough.
I spent the next hour doing any manual chore I could find to get my mind off of the phone call...obviously it didn't work...at all.
I'm not doing enough for so many people in my life and I don't know how to fix it. It's so weird...I used to be the person that said yes to a lot of things. I would do my best to make it to events, send cards, return emails, return calls, make visits, make efforts...I don't have that anymore. The more I try to give, the less I have to give and, let's face it, I have more to give to. I have these two little ones who need A LOT and I feel that their needs are completely taking over my ability to be there for everyone else.
However, isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing right now? I'm supposed to be being a Mom...a good Mom...a Mom who takes care of her kids and puts them first.
I don't know...
Does anyone else have this problem? I know I can't be the only one.
I just don't know what to do. Obviously Saturday's phone call was an open window...now let's see if I can fly through it somehow (OMG...it's like I think I'm a freaking angel or something).
