Maybe, though, maybe it's because it's been years since those songs meant anything to me, and I only avoided them out of respect for what they once meant and how tormented I used to be by hearing them. I've been over all of that heartache for years now, so perhaps it's just time taking it's toll. Maybe I just need to give him time to get over the things he's been through. So he can listen to certain songs and appreciate them rather than remember who he was with in the past. Is this why you're not supposed to date someone right after a divorce? Or why "on the rebound" is such a bad thing. Because you always have these "What ifs" in your head. Even when you don't especially believe they are truly a concern.
I don't speak to CS about the things I put on here. He may or may not know I have a Blogger blog, and I don't point him in that direction. If he wants to find this, he can. But right now, it acts as my wailing wall. Where I put down the little insecurities. The thoughts I need to get out there, but I don't want to place on him. I don't need to be reassured of anything. I don't need him to hide things like that because he's afraid it might upset me, or cause a scene. He had a wife before me. I know this. I can't change it. So I'm accepting it, albeit somewhat slowly. I never was good with change. I've gotten over my broken heart. Maybe he's still mending his.
Someday, we'll be able to listen to all those songs, both of us, without any thought to those who came before.
