not a good day. I've been pretty good so far at keeping the dark thoughts at bay; sure, it's been hard to sleep sometimes, but otherwise I've managed.



but today real fear got me. not just for leaving A., but for myself. I guess it's this probably meaningless ache in my armpits (could be menstruation, could be the cold I have, could be anything at all) that's freaking me out. I have a followup appointment with my surgeon next week. I suppose checkups will always be scary.



I have no good reason to think I'm going to die. then again, I have no good reason to think I won't.